Unpublished Letter to the Editor of the Topeka Post
James Turgenine
March 24, 1993

Dear sirs,

It has come to my attention that you and the rest of the city members are a bunch of sanctimonious pricks who have come out of your NBCABCCBS-induced daze long enough to indict my home for residential statute violations. This city of Topeka is a place that I hate. I tolerate it simply because of reasonable housing prices that allow me to partake in my own twisted version of the American Dream, owning my own home where I can be free to live as I choose, create art, and become eternal.

You are a group of non-artists, who because of your lack of participation in any sort of creative work or actions relevant to the state of humanity, are thankfully mortal. Who the fuck even has a decibel meter? May pigeon carcasses flood your childrens' rooms and force you to explain death to them, slowly and in your cloying way as you refuse to reflect on the fact that your petty lives full of Range Rovers and cross-stitching will become meaningless, meaningless, utterly meaningless like a piece of bacon rotting in the mid-day sun.

Sincerely, your friend,

James Turgenine